Caucasians

If I have never mentioned this before, my students are hilarious.  They say the craziest things.  Today, I was explaining to my students that I would be out tomorrow and who my sub would be.  This is the conversation that I got trapped in.

Students:  Who is Mr. Carter?
Me:  He subbed for Mr. Jones a few times last year.
Student 1:  Don't he have black hair?
Me:  Yes, it is dark with a little gray on the sides.
Student 2:  Is he caucasian?
Me:  Yes.
Student 3:  I thought caucasians was white people with black hair.
Me:  No, it doesn't have to be black hair.
Student 3:  Oh, is that Jews, then?
Me:  Not really.
Student 3:  Are you caucasian?

They are currently arguing over whose turn it is to read in the group and who has read the most pages.  Ahh, the life of a teacher!

Things I've Learned This Chapter

So we have recently finished studying Chapter 2 in my U.S. History classes.  Little did I know that I would be learning as much as the children.  Here are the top ten things I learned that I thought I knew, but I undoubtedly did not learn correctly the first time.
1.  Ferdinand Magellan was the first explorer to circumCIRCULATE the entire globe.
2.  Christopher Columbus is the most important explorer because he "made the first ship in 1964."
3.  If not for Columbus, the Indians might have taken over the whole country.
4. Question: What Native American possession became valuable to Europeans due to the overtrapping of animals?
    Answer:  Henry Hudson
5.  Without Columbus, we would have no technology.
6.  America might be different without Columbus because a rude person might have found it instead.
7.  If not for Columbus in America, people wouldn't know how to sail.
8.  If not for Columbus, we would never have found Asia.
9.  If not for Ferdinand Magellan, we wouldn't know the shape of the earth, and some people might even still think it was flat.
10.  If Robert de La Salle had not found the mouth of the Mississippi River, we would probably think that it goes on forever.

I believe the children are our future...

Fantasy Football: Week One

Well everyone, it's official.  This past weekend marks the beginning of the highly anticipated fantasy football season.  Yours truly plays in 4 leagues, but tonight's post is a report on the Technotronics league.  Game 1 of the season featured the returning champs, Fear the Beard, formerly known as What We Gon' Do, facing the vaunted Rebels, coached by Bradley Jenkins.  The newly named Beards are still coached by the handsome and wily Curt Minton.  Prior to the game, we asked Coach Jenkins if he was nervous about playing the defending champs.  His response, "Are the Cubs gonna win the World Series?"  Following the game, we caught up with Coach Minton to discuss the grudge match.  When asked about C.J. Spiller's performance and future, the coach took it all the way back to middle school by stating that Spiller might get to play three positions - sit on the END of the bench, GUARD the water, and TACKLE anyone who comes close.  As for the decision to hold Reggie Bush out, Minton commented, "We knew Reggie needed to prove that he could gel with new teammates, and he accepted the challenge wholeheartedly.  We'll be looking for plenty of Bush in the future."  The Beards got off to a promising start with Demaryius Thomas's 28 point performance in Thursday night's opener.  Unfortunately, it wouldn't be enough as the Whiskered Wonders still remain winless in league history against the mighty Rebels.  Other games around the league saw Peyton Manning put up record numbers for the Sharknadoes, with his 46 points nearly eclipsing the entire total managed by the Goodfellas.  All their hopes and dreams rest on the oft-injured shoulders of Ryan Mathews, and this reporter is going to go out on a limb and predict an easy victory for the Fishpeople.  Unless Pierre Garcon can get hot, it looks as though rookie coach Shannon Carwyle could snatch her first career win.  League runner-up, or as we like to call him, The Best Loser, Justin Killough, needs for RG III to get it together and Andre Johnson to go scoreless if he hopes to nab a victory over the equine Horsehead Ashtray.  Smurftastic and Boog's Ultimate seem to have their games on lockdown, so this reporter will call it a night.  Until next time, stay classy, San Diego.

Halitosis

Okay, I get it; it has been like FOREVER since my last blog post.  Sorry, I was waiting on the rapture.  Just kidding.  The only things on my mind lately have had the potential to get political, and this is a family-friendly, entertainment blog, so I decided to stay away from those things.  Anyway, there are suddenly a ton of things to write about - school started back, it's fantasy football season, and Big Brother is getting down to the nitty gritty - so maybe I will get back to regular postings.  Also, I am hoping to figure out how to enable comments on my blog.  Oh well, on to the funny:

So the members of the one-one-five (my classroom is #115 but saying it as the one-one-five is way cooler) are particularly concerned about their personal hygiene this week.  Yesterday, the children were working in small groups, and I overhear the following conversation:
         
Student 1:  Does anyone have any gum?  You know how my breath be hot before lunch.
Students 2-6: laughter
Student 1:  I don't know why you laughing.  You was asking for gum, too.
Student 1 then goes on to ask: Do you ever smell your own breath, and it just catch you off guard?

Now before I can intervene and put them back on task, Student 1 proceeds to tell his group that in some other class, they switched back and forth from the class to the club, and it was "crunk up in there" today.

I am encouraged to know that regardless of their pass/fail status in Social Studies, at least the children have their priorities straight, and if they need to ask me a question, they will not do so with "hot" breath!