Fantasy Football: Week One

Well everyone, it's official.  This past weekend marks the beginning of the highly anticipated fantasy football season.  Yours truly plays in 4 leagues, but tonight's post is a report on the Technotronics league.  Game 1 of the season featured the returning champs, Fear the Beard, formerly known as What We Gon' Do, facing the vaunted Rebels, coached by Bradley Jenkins.  The newly named Beards are still coached by the handsome and wily Curt Minton.  Prior to the game, we asked Coach Jenkins if he was nervous about playing the defending champs.  His response, "Are the Cubs gonna win the World Series?"  Following the game, we caught up with Coach Minton to discuss the grudge match.  When asked about C.J. Spiller's performance and future, the coach took it all the way back to middle school by stating that Spiller might get to play three positions - sit on the END of the bench, GUARD the water, and TACKLE anyone who comes close.  As for the decision to hold Reggie Bush out, Minton commented, "We knew Reggie needed to prove that he could gel with new teammates, and he accepted the challenge wholeheartedly.  We'll be looking for plenty of Bush in the future."  The Beards got off to a promising start with Demaryius Thomas's 28 point performance in Thursday night's opener.  Unfortunately, it wouldn't be enough as the Whiskered Wonders still remain winless in league history against the mighty Rebels.  Other games around the league saw Peyton Manning put up record numbers for the Sharknadoes, with his 46 points nearly eclipsing the entire total managed by the Goodfellas.  All their hopes and dreams rest on the oft-injured shoulders of Ryan Mathews, and this reporter is going to go out on a limb and predict an easy victory for the Fishpeople.  Unless Pierre Garcon can get hot, it looks as though rookie coach Shannon Carwyle could snatch her first career win.  League runner-up, or as we like to call him, The Best Loser, Justin Killough, needs for RG III to get it together and Andre Johnson to go scoreless if he hopes to nab a victory over the equine Horsehead Ashtray.  Smurftastic and Boog's Ultimate seem to have their games on lockdown, so this reporter will call it a night.  Until next time, stay classy, San Diego.