Caucasians

If I have never mentioned this before, my students are hilarious.  They say the craziest things.  Today, I was explaining to my students that I would be out tomorrow and who my sub would be.  This is the conversation that I got trapped in.

Students:  Who is Mr. Carter?
Me:  He subbed for Mr. Jones a few times last year.
Student 1:  Don't he have black hair?
Me:  Yes, it is dark with a little gray on the sides.
Student 2:  Is he caucasian?
Me:  Yes.
Student 3:  I thought caucasians was white people with black hair.
Me:  No, it doesn't have to be black hair.
Student 3:  Oh, is that Jews, then?
Me:  Not really.
Student 3:  Are you caucasian?

They are currently arguing over whose turn it is to read in the group and who has read the most pages.  Ahh, the life of a teacher!

Things I've Learned This Chapter

So we have recently finished studying Chapter 2 in my U.S. History classes.  Little did I know that I would be learning as much as the children.  Here are the top ten things I learned that I thought I knew, but I undoubtedly did not learn correctly the first time.
1.  Ferdinand Magellan was the first explorer to circumCIRCULATE the entire globe.
2.  Christopher Columbus is the most important explorer because he "made the first ship in 1964."
3.  If not for Columbus, the Indians might have taken over the whole country.
4. Question: What Native American possession became valuable to Europeans due to the overtrapping of animals?
    Answer:  Henry Hudson
5.  Without Columbus, we would have no technology.
6.  America might be different without Columbus because a rude person might have found it instead.
7.  If not for Columbus in America, people wouldn't know how to sail.
8.  If not for Columbus, we would never have found Asia.
9.  If not for Ferdinand Magellan, we wouldn't know the shape of the earth, and some people might even still think it was flat.
10.  If Robert de La Salle had not found the mouth of the Mississippi River, we would probably think that it goes on forever.

I believe the children are our future...

Fantasy Football: Week One

Well everyone, it's official.  This past weekend marks the beginning of the highly anticipated fantasy football season.  Yours truly plays in 4 leagues, but tonight's post is a report on the Technotronics league.  Game 1 of the season featured the returning champs, Fear the Beard, formerly known as What We Gon' Do, facing the vaunted Rebels, coached by Bradley Jenkins.  The newly named Beards are still coached by the handsome and wily Curt Minton.  Prior to the game, we asked Coach Jenkins if he was nervous about playing the defending champs.  His response, "Are the Cubs gonna win the World Series?"  Following the game, we caught up with Coach Minton to discuss the grudge match.  When asked about C.J. Spiller's performance and future, the coach took it all the way back to middle school by stating that Spiller might get to play three positions - sit on the END of the bench, GUARD the water, and TACKLE anyone who comes close.  As for the decision to hold Reggie Bush out, Minton commented, "We knew Reggie needed to prove that he could gel with new teammates, and he accepted the challenge wholeheartedly.  We'll be looking for plenty of Bush in the future."  The Beards got off to a promising start with Demaryius Thomas's 28 point performance in Thursday night's opener.  Unfortunately, it wouldn't be enough as the Whiskered Wonders still remain winless in league history against the mighty Rebels.  Other games around the league saw Peyton Manning put up record numbers for the Sharknadoes, with his 46 points nearly eclipsing the entire total managed by the Goodfellas.  All their hopes and dreams rest on the oft-injured shoulders of Ryan Mathews, and this reporter is going to go out on a limb and predict an easy victory for the Fishpeople.  Unless Pierre Garcon can get hot, it looks as though rookie coach Shannon Carwyle could snatch her first career win.  League runner-up, or as we like to call him, The Best Loser, Justin Killough, needs for RG III to get it together and Andre Johnson to go scoreless if he hopes to nab a victory over the equine Horsehead Ashtray.  Smurftastic and Boog's Ultimate seem to have their games on lockdown, so this reporter will call it a night.  Until next time, stay classy, San Diego.

Halitosis

Okay, I get it; it has been like FOREVER since my last blog post.  Sorry, I was waiting on the rapture.  Just kidding.  The only things on my mind lately have had the potential to get political, and this is a family-friendly, entertainment blog, so I decided to stay away from those things.  Anyway, there are suddenly a ton of things to write about - school started back, it's fantasy football season, and Big Brother is getting down to the nitty gritty - so maybe I will get back to regular postings.  Also, I am hoping to figure out how to enable comments on my blog.  Oh well, on to the funny:

So the members of the one-one-five (my classroom is #115 but saying it as the one-one-five is way cooler) are particularly concerned about their personal hygiene this week.  Yesterday, the children were working in small groups, and I overhear the following conversation:
         
Student 1:  Does anyone have any gum?  You know how my breath be hot before lunch.
Students 2-6: laughter
Student 1:  I don't know why you laughing.  You was asking for gum, too.
Student 1 then goes on to ask: Do you ever smell your own breath, and it just catch you off guard?

Now before I can intervene and put them back on task, Student 1 proceeds to tell his group that in some other class, they switched back and forth from the class to the club, and it was "crunk up in there" today.

I am encouraged to know that regardless of their pass/fail status in Social Studies, at least the children have their priorities straight, and if they need to ask me a question, they will not do so with "hot" breath!

Acronyms are getting Ridiculous

Two things to talk about today.  The first is acronyms.  You know, the words where each letter is the start of a new word.  I am here to tell you that they are getting out of hand.  People just take an idea that they like and make it fit into something they perceive as catchy.  And it is ridiculous.  This comes to my mind because of a training I am in at school.  The program uses something called the EXCEL model.  E is Engage.  Okay, I am there so far.  X is X-plore.  Now I'm lost.  This is not a real word.  The real one starts with the letter E.  You can't just change words to suit you.  What if I did that in my class at school?  "Okay kids, I don't like the fact that Casanova starts with a "C" so we're going to drop that.  From now on, we will call it Asanova."  Probably not a good look for the classroom.  My other favorite one is the USA Patriot Act.  Did you even know that it was an acronym?  Here it is: Uniting (and) Strengthening America (by) Providing Appropriate Tools Required (to) Intercept (and) Obstruct Terrorism.  WHAT?!?!  Why not just call it the Stop Terrorism Law, or the Anti-Terrorism Law?  It's just getting out of hand.  We have a gifted program at our school.  6th grade is INSIGHTS; 7th and 8th grade is LAUNCH.  They are both acronyms.  Not a clue what each letter stands for.  Please don't get me wrong, they are both great programs with great teachers, and if any of the gifted teachers read this blog, I don't have a problem with it.  I just think it's weird; that's all I'm saying.  Maybe I am hating on acronyms because I am not creative enough to make them up on my own.  Feel free to comment with your favorite acronyms!  Be sure to check back tomorrow for my words on grading papers and distractions! 

A word on the Facebook Profile Picture

So I have said this before, and I will readily admit it again.  Maybe I am too old for Facebook, even though it started when I was in college.  I didn't know that you have to hit enter to post comments (so if any of you posted a happy birthday on my wall, I did comment to you, but I didn't press enter.  Thanks for the wishes, BTW).  Anyway, there are a few things that people do on Facebook that I don't understand (telling us every little thing that happens-I took three breaths at the breakfast table, etc., giving legal expertise on EVERYTHING, cyberbullying, and the like), but there is a relatively new phenomenon that I just can't ignore.  What is the deal with the close-up, and I mean CLOSE-UP, selfie as the profile picture?  First of all, I can't believe I used the word selfie.  Second, seriously, why the close-up?  I think the biggest problem is how close the picture is.  If I can count the hairs in your nose, just say NO to the picture.  As unbelievably attractive as I am, a picture that close to my skin is not a good look for me.  This post is a public service announcement, really.  I love these people (the ones that I know, at least), and a lot of them are good-looking, but do the world a favor.  Back the camera up!!!  Love you, mean it!

Hume Hall

I have developed a like/hate relationship with Hume Hall. Let's start with the like. Hume has a nice, even temperature. There is also a very informative bathroom on the second floor. In the men's restroom, one of the stall doors kindly lets any patrons know what services can be found in Kincannon hall room 554. This particular service is not one I need, but some kind soul wanted to make sure that the world was informed. The other really nice thing about Hume is that someone washes the chalkboard (yes chalkboard, youth of America. That thing that existed before the dry erase board and smart board and dusts the erasers). For those of you that are too young to remember this, when it was your day to dust the erasers, all of the bad things about school went away. You got to beat the holy s**t (if you didn't insert the word "snot" here, get your mind right. This is a family friendly blog) out of the erasers on the sidewalk, a tree, or the side of the school building.  If you were really lucky, you got to do this during class instead of recess. Anyway, on to the hate. Someone decided it would be a good idea to stick a class in a room in a building where they are redoing the roof. Seriously, it's like someone is beating on the wall with a hammer. Even the kids are annoyed. And any teacher will tell you when the kids get angry at a classroom disruption, it must be bad. Oh well, I just found out that my new class will be in Longstreet. Never even heard of it. I will blog about it next week!